Birthday Loyalty Club

About us

Jessie Ngaio

Jessie Ngaio

Born and raised in the small country town of New Zealand, Jessie Ngaio spent an idyllic childhood catching tadpoles, watching fly struck sheep die during childbirth and having nightmares about writhing masses of violently red flesh and crustaceans in her bureau. In 2007, she ran away to obtain her Masters in Fine Arts in the big country town of Melbourne, Australia. She has made psychotic paintings, unflattering photos and creepy dolls, some of which can be viewed on her desperately in need of an update website here. She’s also made feminist porn and appeared in a documentary about BSDM and intimacy which is cool and gives her street cred, k? 

Lucas Heil

Lucas Heil

The Oxford Online Dictionary describes Lucas Heil as ‘No exact results found for Lucas Heil in the dictionary’. Some would say this is a harsh definition, and these people are Lucas Heil. Lucas is regarded with great acclaim in his home as the ‘darling of using up all the hot water’. Lucas spends his time attempting to make the world laugh with his off-beat, off-colour musical ditties and hair-raising comedy videos, many of which have been slapped up onto his YouTube account, Heartless Corporation. When Lucas is not taking on the role of an actor, writer, director, editor and producer for a myriad of short films, music videos, television programs, comics and video productions, he can usually be found talking himself up for bios.

Wes Gardner

Wes Gardner

Much like Franz Kafka, Wes has toiled in obscurity as a creative writer since a very young age, unappreciated and uncelebrated. Unlike Kafka, Wes’s writing will not become famous and widely studied after his death, but he will inspire new generations of sparkly-eyed young coroners after his bloated plastinated corpse mysteriously and inexplicably drops from an estimated height of five thousand feet, crushing a well-known parliamentarian during a public prayer session, and incidentally wrecking an unassuming oak podium that had been in service since the Whitlam years and was only two weeks from retirement.

Nelson Gardner

Nelson Gardner

Nelson is a male caucasian of impossibly average build and height, armed with a Bachelor of Music Theatre (VCA 2011). He played the title role in Ned - A New Australian Musical and was last seen holding a large bag of croutons. The kind that are best served with soup, or even a cheeky little chicken caesar salad. How satisfying is that to say? Put a bit of bacon on that and make sure the egg is poached and runny. Couple of anchovy fillets in there. Gorgeous.